Wednesday, March 23, 2011

The Power of a Song.....

Sometimes the first time you hear a song it touches you in such a deep way you can't help but feel. The song sort of tells you how to feel, sometimes sad, sometimes happy, sometimes somewhere in between. A song that really hit me awhile back is called "She's With Me," by Collin Raye.

The song is about his Granddaughter, who died from a rare brain disease. The first time I heard it was a time when Tommy was having a rough night sleeping so I had gotten up with him and we were watching music videos on GAC. On Sunday mornings they have a couple hour block of Christian/Country videos. Music usually soothes Tommy so we were watching trying to stay cool and calm. That's when the video for that song came on, Traci had joined Tommy and I as we were sitting in the living room and by the middle of the video she and I had tears running down our faces.

The song talks about a lot of the things special needs parents face. Finding tables at a restaurant, having to leave the mall earlier than you might want because your child is just done. Things that seem so easy to do for parents without special needs kiddos become very difficult for you because of your little one's needs.

"I know just what heaven looks like when I see that perfect face
For no other mortal heart could be so fair
I myself so weak and weary, so imperfect as a man
How could I be the one you chose to care for our girl
Never done a single deed to earn the right to share her light."

It was right about this part of the song when I just lost it. I looked up to heaven and said: "Ok God, I get it." I so know the way it feels to look in the mirror and think how could I be the one to be so blessed to take care of Tommy. When I listen to this song, my brain just sort of auto corrects all of the references to a little girl, to little boy.

I often wonder about the Ineffable Plan God has. I know I am so imperfect and that Tommy is so perfect I can't help but screw something up.   

God I know you won't give us any more than we can handle, but sometimes I wonder why you trust me so much. I love that, Mother Teresa of Calcutta said that. I can relate and I have nowhere near her heroic virtue.

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