Wednesday, June 27, 2012

About A Boy

I suppose it is natural to be thinking about fatherhood right now. After all Father's Day has just passed us by.

But I have been thinking about a story, one I have played with on this blog and have told you all a little bit of. It is the story of my son Tommy. It's really my story, but it began with him. After all for the last five years I have struggled to finally grow up and become the man I need to be to handle the awesome responsibility God has given me.

I guess a lot of my struggle continues to be how open to I let myself be to potentially millions, ok thousands, fine tens of strangers reading my blog. Truth is the story hurts. Sometimes a lot...sometimes just a little.

Here's the thing though, because of Tommy I am a better man than I was. Because of Tommy I am slowly becoming a better more faithful Catholic. Because of Tommy I am finally learning to truly Let Go and Let God.

It is hard, very hard, everything in my nature says I need to make it better. Then in the still small silence when I force myself to listen and accept everything I know about God I realize that isn't my job.

A fellow blogger actually told me a while back that I should tell Tommy's story and I said to her and myself yes I should but then I ran away from it again. The thing is part of me says Tommy is such a rare case who wants to read about a condition they won't likely ever see. But so many of his symptoms/issues are common to so many other things that I suspect many people could likely be helped or help us in ways I haven't even imagined.

So I guess I need to throw my heart open and let the world look at it in full. Who knows maybe I will help someone along the way, or maybe someone will help me.

Basically ever since Tommy's birth my one operating goal in life is to some day get to a point where I am a good enough father, husband and man that my kids will be proud of the fact that I am their dad.

It seems like I have come so far in five years, but I sure feel a long way off way too often still.

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